Tori Noriega Tori is a student at Pace University in New York City and Creative Director/Staff Writer at TFP. You can visit Tori's blog at- www.dailylifeofvictoria.com/
Time to talk about one of the most dreaded things… weight. Can you believe little numbers on a scale determine so many people’s happiness? Can you believe those little stretch marks and tummy rolls ruin our moods for days on end? I can’t lie and say it doesn’t determine mine from time to time. When you look at a scale and all it gives you is something you don’t want, your spirits drop a little. Coming from someone who has struggled with their weight for their entire life, I know the effects of weight. I know the toll it takes on your mental health and the way it affects how you live daily. I grew up the overweight little girl in elementary school; I was always the biggest girl in the class. It was always a struggle to be around all of the tiny little girls who could fit through the tight desk spaces and in the playground. Their uniform skirts wouldn’t bunch up at their stomachs and their thighs wouldn’t chafe whenever they’d walk. They wouldn’t cry in the mornings when their uniforms never fit right. They were never told by doctors that they had to go on a diet at the age of 7. Their lives haven’t been ruled by how much they weigh since they were children. They wouldn’t sit down and see tummy rolls through their polos. Other little girls wouldn’t point out their flaws not in a malicious way, but only because they’d never had them. I honestly can’t tell you what it feels like to not worry about your weight. I can’t tell you what it’s like to look in a mirror and love what you see. I’ve never known what it’s like to love myself. I was child who grew up only knowing that her body wasn’t what it was supposed to be. I grew up thinking that the way I looked was wrong, it wasn’t right. I couldn’t eat that second cookie; I couldn’t have that little piece of cake, because if I did it would all just sit in me and add weight. I had to be put on a diet at a young age just to control it. I was trying to sign up for weight watchers in fifth grade. My life revolved around weight management. Now, here I am at nineteen years old and I have more weight issues than anyone really wants in their lifetime. I have been constantly trying to lose weight, for how many years I can’t even keep track. My mind has been clouded with thoughts of weight loss and being skinny for years on end. Whenever I do lose weight I still see the same sized girl no matter how hard I try to see someone different. I’ll become unmotivated and eat away my feelings. It’s an awful cycle of loss and gain. You lose yourself in this battle with your body. All you want is for you to love yourself, but it takes over everything you. All you think about is how you should eat, or when you should workout. Did you work out long enough? Did you really need to eat those cookies? All of these thoughts run through your mind, at least they run through mine. It’s just a pain to live. Everyday it’s the same routine and thought process, it’s never ending. It isn’t a life. I have yet to find a way to stop this cycle, but I’ve had some successes for a few months. It all goes to shit again soon after though. This isn’t rare and of course I know that. Most girls throughout the world experience these issues. If you don’t, I can’t express how lucky you are. These feelings rarely go away and truth be told I don’t think they ever really do. You gain control and you understand how to better yourself, but they never go away. If there were to be someone or something to put the blame on it would be society, the media and the way the world pressures women to look. You’re told you can’t be too skinny or too fat, but if you’re fat you can’t be. Except if you have no curves you’re doing it wrong. There is a never a way of winning in this world. Sometimes you just have to throw in the towel. It’s better to love yourself and the way you look than listen to what society tells you is beautiful. Because, honestly, you’re beautiful.